Friday, October 22, 2010

UTV Reporter denies "licking" the queen

Popular UTV weatherman Frank Mitchell has denied attempting to "lick" the British queen during her recent visit to the north of Ireland. There were embarassing scenes right after a television appearance by the monarch, who was described as looking "shaken and disshevelled" after the attempted "lick".

A spokesman for the British delegation has stated that they are looking at the possibliity of legal action, as under English law, an attempted "lick" can be interpreted in court as assault.

Fortunatley for Mitchell, because the alleged assault took place on Irish soil, the likelihood of the matter going to court is doubtful. An eyewitness stated that Mitchell was also fortunate, in that the camera, which was rolling immediatley prior to the incident, had pulled away from the two celebrities, just as he "lunged at the woman".

However, the queen's husband, Philip, who was standing nearby, had to be restrained by a camerman, when he appeared to lose his cool, waving his fists and shouting "thats my wife you Irish cad, I'll give you a bunch of fives you scoundrel"

All had appeared to be going well in the lead up to the incident. The weather reporter had just done a "live feed", which was broadcasted to hundreds of viewers. The queen had just replied with what Mitchell said was "a witty remark" to some "inane banter".  But then as the camera pulled away, Mitchell lunged at her with his tongue. An onlooker reported that he did make actual contact with the queen's neck, though he was "clearly aiming for the side of her face, possibly the cheek"

Mr Mitchell declined to give an interview after the incident, though he was overheard in the UTV canteen afterwards, boasting about the event and saying "I licked the queen and she tasted of sour cream."

The controller of UTV has released a statement saying Mr Mitchell would be reprimanded for his actions, but addded "I think this has been overblown out of all proportion. After all, Frank Mitchell is a big fan of the royal family, as we all are, here at Havelock House, and I must admit that if i was in a similar situation, I might be tempted myself. After all, its not every day you get to meet the aristicracy. It's something to tell the grandkids.
Frank Mitchell is an excellent broadcaster and his weather reporting is legendary. He will be back at work as usual tomorrow".

A spokesman for the queen said they would have to look long and hard about future visits to Ireland, "this is not the sort of thing one would expect, and if anything, shows a lack of respect for the royals in general. Unfortunatley it appears to be a sign of the times."

Watch the lead up to the event here